Thursday, October 23, 2003
I have this crazy stress (I think) rash/hives thing happening that started on my neck, is now on my face, and seems to be moving onto my arms.
I am afraid that teaching and living in North Carolina is, literally, killing me.
(KNOCK-KNOCK) ¶ 4:35 AM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
What freaks me out the most about this whole teaching gig is how different each day can be. Yesterday, I came home and just crawled into the hole of my couch to die. Today, I am totally energized.
The kids and I just totally grooved on each other today. I was joking with them, they were joking with me. Even when I had to discipline a couple of them, they took it good naturedly, as did I.
I try to think every day about what I did differently...and some of it I can control, for sure. But so much of it is personality. So much of my happiness depends on fifty different kids mornings, nights, and class right before me. When things are good, they are so good and fun. When they aren't good--well, you have all seen the effects.
The spaghetti dinner last night was a trip. I got to hear, first hand, racism in schools and how it effects education. Little Miss Bay Area in the South (me) tries to keep my mouth shut about most things that smack of liberalism...but I thought it wasn't extremely "liberal" of me to mention the fact that the high academic club (the beta club) was 95% white in a school where our students are at least 95% black. It seemed to me an obvious issue and something that would be obviously wrong. The teachers that I was talking to, however, disagreed. The two comments I got were, "Well, the white kids are the good kids" and "I just say screw the other kids; I'm going to take my good little white kids and focus on them". Yikes. I knew these attitudes existed, but I never thought people had the nerve to just outright say it. In the West, people are more politcally correct than that. I don't know which way is worse; to just say racist things or to just create policies that are essentially racist but be too classy to verbalize.
But on a lighter note, two of my kids were in the choir and two in the band. They were so cute and proud of themselves. The band was terrible, in a very charming way, and I never thought I would be so pleased to sit through screaming saxophones and warbly flutes. I love to see my kids succeed at things.
Time for my Baby Story nap...yesterday, they did quadruplets, which was so exciting I couldn't sleep. I hope today is a calmer one-baby-at-a-time day. ¶ 12:53 PM
What freaks me out the most about this whole teaching gig is how different each day can be. Yesterday, I came home and just crawled into the hole of my couch to die. Today, I am totally energized.
The kids and I just totally grooved on each other today. I was joking with them, they were joking with me. Even when I had to discipline a couple of them, they took it good naturedly, as did I.
I try to think every day about what I did differently...and some of it I can control, for sure. But so much of it is personality. So much of my happiness depends on fifty different kids mornings, nights, and class right before me. When things are good, they are so good and fun. When they aren't good--well, you have all seen the effects.
The spaghetti dinner last night was a trip. I got to hear, first hand, racism in schools and how it effects education. Little Miss Bay Area in the South (me) tries to keep my mouth shut about most things that smack of liberalism...but I thought it wasn't extremely "liberal" of me to mention the fact that the high academic club (the beta club) was 95% white in a school where our students are at least 95% black. It seemed to me an obvious issue and something that would be obviously wrong. The teachers that I was talking to, however, disagreed. The two comments I got were, "Well, the white kids are the good kids" and "I just say screw the other kids; I'm going to take my good little white kids and focus on them". Yikes. I knew these attitudes existed, but I never thought people had the nerve to just outright say it. In the West, people are more politcally correct than that. I don't know which way is worse; to just say racist things or to just create policies that are essentially racist but be too classy to verbalize.
But on a lighter note, two of my kids were in the choir and two in the band. They were so cute and proud of themselves. The band was terrible, in a very charming way, and I never thought I would be so pleased to sit through screaming saxophones and warbly flutes. I love to see my kids succeed at things.
Time for my Baby Story nap...yesterday, they did quadruplets, which was so exciting I couldn't sleep. I hope today is a calmer one-baby-at-a-time day. ¶ 12:53 PM
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Suffice it to say, I had a crap day. My kids were so hyper. It sucked.
Now I have to go back there tonight for a Spaghetti Dinner to watch the band and chorus play. An obligation, more than anything else. But I did go to this scholar induction thing yesterday and watched one of my kids receive a reward and I got really choked up. He really seemed to appreciate the fact that I was there.
These kids are such mind-twisters. I have all of these kids acting like/saying that they hate me but then when it comes down to it, I know that they don't really. But it is so hard not to buy it when they act like it all the time.
I am in serious need of a nap. Nothing excited me more on the weekdays than the prospect of lying down in front of Baby Story on TLC and drifting off to the soft voices of expectant mothers... ¶ 12:18 PM
Suffice it to say, I had a crap day. My kids were so hyper. It sucked.
Now I have to go back there tonight for a Spaghetti Dinner to watch the band and chorus play. An obligation, more than anything else. But I did go to this scholar induction thing yesterday and watched one of my kids receive a reward and I got really choked up. He really seemed to appreciate the fact that I was there.
These kids are such mind-twisters. I have all of these kids acting like/saying that they hate me but then when it comes down to it, I know that they don't really. But it is so hard not to buy it when they act like it all the time.
I am in serious need of a nap. Nothing excited me more on the weekdays than the prospect of lying down in front of Baby Story on TLC and drifting off to the soft voices of expectant mothers... ¶ 12:18 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Wow. The fair was so much freakin' fun. I was so excited driving there that I was shaking. This either means that my life has become a little stagnant or that I was more stimulated by the prospect of watching pig races than I ever imagined possible.
In the end, we missed the pig races. I was really into that, but we couldn't find the gate in time. What we did get to do though is:
Sniff clouds of fried onion from the top of a ferris wheel
Listen to pedophilic carnies croon at young girls from the midway
Eat foot long sausages (some folks, not all)
Buy light-up flashing Mexican flags (viva la raza!)
Ride on a "Ghost Train" (ooooh, spooky...except not at all, but hilariously not)
Watch a fifteen minute firework display that started out in pure beauty and ended in eardrum-blowing madness
Hear hordes of missing children being called for and held in the "Lost Children's Colony"
Ride a hayride with no hay
Covet rainbow pride Care Bears
Spend time in "The Village of Yesteryear" while making fun of all the people of Yesteryear
It was really quite remarkable. It was good people and good fun. ¶ 1:33 PM
Wow. The fair was so much freakin' fun. I was so excited driving there that I was shaking. This either means that my life has become a little stagnant or that I was more stimulated by the prospect of watching pig races than I ever imagined possible.
In the end, we missed the pig races. I was really into that, but we couldn't find the gate in time. What we did get to do though is:
Sniff clouds of fried onion from the top of a ferris wheel
Listen to pedophilic carnies croon at young girls from the midway
Eat foot long sausages (some folks, not all)
Buy light-up flashing Mexican flags (viva la raza!)
Ride on a "Ghost Train" (ooooh, spooky...except not at all, but hilariously not)
Watch a fifteen minute firework display that started out in pure beauty and ended in eardrum-blowing madness
Hear hordes of missing children being called for and held in the "Lost Children's Colony"
Ride a hayride with no hay
Covet rainbow pride Care Bears
Spend time in "The Village of Yesteryear" while making fun of all the people of Yesteryear
It was really quite remarkable. It was good people and good fun. ¶ 1:33 PM
Friday, October 17, 2003
My life here is becoming quite steady and busy, which I never saw coming. I am now doing sort of social things and having some fun right here in Rocky Mount.
Last night, my roomate D's high school kids had a little poetry reading thing at a coffee shop. Man was I jealous of working with those guys. High school is a whole other beast. The kids don't just snort and yell "fart!" constantly. They can actually have a conversation. We sat around and talked about their churchs for a while and it was pretty fun.
After, we went to this wine tasting/dinner thing at the local fancy cheese and wine shop (I wasn't aware that one even existed!). I met one of the other teachers from D's school who was awesome! She made me laugh so hard I cried with her impressions of her students (who are in the 9th grade and very similar to my 8th graders). I am very jealous of her ability to do right on imitations, straight down to a perfect accent and mispronuciations of words. I am thinking of bringing a tape recorder to class so that I can remember forever the sounds of my children being jerks and do hilarious impressions for friends and family forever.
Today I am off again to Chapel Hill. Thank Jesus for my friends! ¶ 6:03 AM
My life here is becoming quite steady and busy, which I never saw coming. I am now doing sort of social things and having some fun right here in Rocky Mount.
Last night, my roomate D's high school kids had a little poetry reading thing at a coffee shop. Man was I jealous of working with those guys. High school is a whole other beast. The kids don't just snort and yell "fart!" constantly. They can actually have a conversation. We sat around and talked about their churchs for a while and it was pretty fun.
After, we went to this wine tasting/dinner thing at the local fancy cheese and wine shop (I wasn't aware that one even existed!). I met one of the other teachers from D's school who was awesome! She made me laugh so hard I cried with her impressions of her students (who are in the 9th grade and very similar to my 8th graders). I am very jealous of her ability to do right on imitations, straight down to a perfect accent and mispronuciations of words. I am thinking of bringing a tape recorder to class so that I can remember forever the sounds of my children being jerks and do hilarious impressions for friends and family forever.
Today I am off again to Chapel Hill. Thank Jesus for my friends! ¶ 6:03 AM
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Being a teacher is all about constantly reinventing yourself. And I sort of hate when people say things like "reinvent yourself". But it is so true. Every three or so weeks, I turn over a new leaf. I say to myself, "I'm too strict! That is what it is! Of course. What I have to do is loosen up...become the loving, 'I care about you' teacher." I do that and it works for about three weeks. Then, when the children walk all over me, I have the realization that I am too lenient! I have to be more strict!
I don't know what phase I am in now, but I had a great day with the kids. True, in my worst class, 75% of them are suspended (that is absolutely no exaggeration), but still. In my second period class, one kid who HATES me, said "Today was actually fun, Ms. Roberts. I mean it, too."
So now I am reflecting on what I did right today. And in the end, it is all stuff that TFA told me to do that I either forgot or have been too tired/lazy to do. Involve the kids, yada yada yada.
But in the end, today was great. If teaching was like this every day, I would be fine. ¶ 12:59 PM
Being a teacher is all about constantly reinventing yourself. And I sort of hate when people say things like "reinvent yourself". But it is so true. Every three or so weeks, I turn over a new leaf. I say to myself, "I'm too strict! That is what it is! Of course. What I have to do is loosen up...become the loving, 'I care about you' teacher." I do that and it works for about three weeks. Then, when the children walk all over me, I have the realization that I am too lenient! I have to be more strict!
I don't know what phase I am in now, but I had a great day with the kids. True, in my worst class, 75% of them are suspended (that is absolutely no exaggeration), but still. In my second period class, one kid who HATES me, said "Today was actually fun, Ms. Roberts. I mean it, too."
So now I am reflecting on what I did right today. And in the end, it is all stuff that TFA told me to do that I either forgot or have been too tired/lazy to do. Involve the kids, yada yada yada.
But in the end, today was great. If teaching was like this every day, I would be fine. ¶ 12:59 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Weekend, oh, weekend. Where art thou, weekend?
That is the only Shakespeare I'll be reading this year. My day was pretty easy, no one threw anything. But somehow I am still depressed. I just feel so...bored. I feel like I am taking care of other people all of the time. I never liked doing that.
I gave out progress reports and they were awful. And then I realized that they are awful because I made a mistake. So there are 20 some odd kids getting "tore up" at home from their parents because of me and they didn't even really deserve it. Ugh. They get to hate me for reals now.
I'll be fine. This is a pattern. Wednesdays suck, but tomorrow I will feel close to Friday and Friday is always just fine no matter what (knock knock).
The Bachelor is on tonight. Lordy, Lordy. ¶ 12:53 PM
Weekend, oh, weekend. Where art thou, weekend?
That is the only Shakespeare I'll be reading this year. My day was pretty easy, no one threw anything. But somehow I am still depressed. I just feel so...bored. I feel like I am taking care of other people all of the time. I never liked doing that.
I gave out progress reports and they were awful. And then I realized that they are awful because I made a mistake. So there are 20 some odd kids getting "tore up" at home from their parents because of me and they didn't even really deserve it. Ugh. They get to hate me for reals now.
I'll be fine. This is a pattern. Wednesdays suck, but tomorrow I will feel close to Friday and Friday is always just fine no matter what (knock knock).
The Bachelor is on tonight. Lordy, Lordy. ¶ 12:53 PM
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