I went on vacation for two weeks and my friends watched my dog for me. Little did I know that it was actually a fat camp for dogs and they were going to put her on an exercise program.

Please go watch the video of Nanette the Chihuhuah Wonder on her episode of The Doggy Biggest Loser:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dNeU5OPVWE8  ¶ 2:15 PM

  The new apartment is working out swimmingly. Much bigger and I don’t have to listen to lesbians fighting and stomping around above my head. Nanette is very pleased and shows her pleasure by zooming from one end of the living room to the other with unprecedented speed and vigor. She is finally losing some of the neck fat rolls she developed in my last place due to the women upstairs feeding her ten meals a day and God knows what else. She is looking svelte and sassy.

And I have a teaching interview after a long period of silence and rejection. This is only my second interview for this whole hiring season. I have been rejected by the whole school district in which I work presently, including the actual school that I work in every day. It’s a hard knocks life for me. But this interview seems promising, so fingers crossed, if you would.  ¶ 10:23 PM

  I really shouldn't be left to my own devices.

Normally, I have a couple of friends that basically tell me what to do. Whenever I have gone against their better judgement, things have gone poorly. It isn't that I'm dumb or anything-- I just have a tendency to be rash and to also think that situations are going to be a certain way in my head, though there is no reasonable explanation why they would be that way.

For example, when I went to an event called "Hog Days" in North Carolina a couple of years, I was so excited I couldn't sleep the night before. But when I got there I was sorely disappointed. When I reasoned it out with my friend Owen, I realized that I was disappointed because I had assumed (as did Owen, which is why I love him) that there would be pigs dressed up in clothes-- namely pink frilly dresses. I also assumed that there would be men in overalls chasing piglets that were covered in butter. This event had neither... it was just an excuse to feed us pork... which is an unnecessary excuse in North Carolina.

But I digress. The point of all this to is say that I have signed papers on an apartment. The only bad thing is that my friends who normally help me makes these kinds of decisions are in Italy. So I made it alone. I think I made a good decision, though part of me maybe chose this place because the apartment manager is this really hot Russian guy, but I won't know for sure until my friends come back.  ¶ 12:07 PM

  I believe that I will someday win a big prize in the lottery. I really believe that. Is that weird?

I don't spend 20% of my income on it or anything, but whenever I do play (meaning I buy one 1$ ticket) I always think that it is very likely that I will win.

Tonight I won $25. It feels like a beginning.

Update:

My littlest dog is on medication that is making her healthy and making me happy.
I am in the process (again) of applying for and interviewing for teaching jobs.
I will, most likely, not get one. Not being negative, just being realistic.
I have to move. Again. This time I will not move into a house with a lesbian couple. Nor will I ever do that again. Yes, you were all right.
I still love my job... though I am feeling a bit burned out and bored right now.
I just got a new perfume that I like.
I now have a myspace page. myspace.com/grrlsprout : I guess I don't care if I am anonymous anymore.
I love, love, LOVE living in Portland. It is everything I hoped for, and more.
This is my new favorite video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omhB15G2dY4 You must watch it.  ¶ 12:23 AM

  Jasleen is dead to me.

Damn it.

Skeletor won.

Damn Tyra.  ¶ 1:19 AM

  There may be no crying in baseball, but there is an awful lot of crying at gay church.

So I have been on a quest for a church I can stand for years. I have been to all of the "open" churches in Portland, I think, and today I checked out the church that is specifically designed for gay people.

I liked it, but it was pretty intense. Something about a church that is meant for people who are not welcome in other churches makes the atmosphere pretty...charged. For instance, people were crying all the way through. And at the end, the pianist played "Yes, Jesus Loves Me" and about 90% of the people started to cry and laugh at the same time.

I guess it is a big deal to be told that Jesus doesn't love you over and over-- even if, like me, you aren't particularly religious. It's like being told that Santa loves everyone but hates you. Then to be in a room full of people singing the song they probably sang as a child and then was told was a lie-- well, it was intense.

I think I'll go back, but I hope that because it was Mother's Day it was especially emotional. I don't know if I can handle that kind of thing every week.  ¶ 3:35 PM

  I had the exact same bad dream twice last night. I woke up sobbing both times. Not the pretend dream sobbing, but actually sobbing with real tears and everything. This does not bode well for my day.  ¶ 1:51 PM