I have my kids a test today. I was thinking the content might be too hard. So I made it a multiple choice test. What I failed to consider was that these kids had never ever seen a multiple choice test in their lives. Not only did they not understand the questions-- they didn't understand one thing about the format. I realized instantly that for every question I was going to have to explain the number the question was, like number one for instance. Then I had to explain each word in the question. Then I had to explain the colon that noted that the question was over. Then I had to explain the meaning of the a), b), c), d) format.

Well, you can see my point, I'm sure. By question two all of my kids were pushing their quizzes away as though they might explode in their faces. Have you ever heard the sound of eighteen children's confusion? It sounds like a dull roar. What I did do today was give them an hour long opportunity to feel dumb. And that has to have some lesson in it, doesn't it? I mean, life is full of stuff like that!

Aaargh. Have you ever done something you just didn't feel very good at? This is how I feel. I now know for a fact that I should have taught elementary school. I am good with the little ones. It feels natural. This feels like trying to breathe under water.

But we rented a car today, we have tickets for Willie Nelson's Fourth of July Picnic and we will party it up in Austin all weekend. I am very excited to have fun in Texas. I am on the search for a cute cowgirl or two. Wish me luck!
  ¶ 12:55 AM

  Today was boring. But it was fine. No mental breakdowns. The kids did some stuff. They laughed once or twice. I am just living for the weekends, now. I guess I always do. Will I ever like my job, I wonder? Does anyone? I'm sleepy and so I will sleep. Things are fine, though.   ¶ 11:45 PM

  My students got internal and external characteristics in a story today! It was so exciting. I really think that most of them sort of know it, now. Another big deal was that a couple of kids called me "Miss R". That is exciting because most of the time they will only call you "Miss". It is as though they have so many teachers coming and going that they don't bother to differentiate you from anyone else. But they were really cool today. And Jaqueline, one of my girls, gave me a note. The note reads:

"Hello! How are you I think fine I think is very good teacher thank you because as my teacher bay".

I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it sounds like it means something good. And there is lightning happening outside my window and it is really cool. Plus, tonight I figured out a way to lesson plan that should last me a while, so that I don't have to do everything brand new every minute. It has been a pretty good day, all and all. A bug did land in my dinner so that I couldn't eat it, but that's just Houston.  ¶ 12:54 AM

  I thought I would write a note during this rare time that I am actually feeling happy here. The weather is not quite as disgusting as usual. I also just went and wrote some lesson plans while drinking a beer...something that I really think I should do more often. I had inspiration about the whole rest of my teaching for the summer. I made a plan that should carry me through, so that I don't have to make something brand new up every day. This should be very helpful.

A bug landed in my food tonight. I am going to lose weight here.

Now, I am listening to Tori Amos and about to write up my plans for the week.   ¶ 10:16 PM

  It is sooo easy to get discouraged, here. I swear, this place is making me (more) manic-depressive. One minute I am way up and this seems almost fun and the next, I just want to poke my own eyes out. I am having a pokey eyeball moment, presently.

My friend Terri and I keep joking that we should just get motorcycles and go to Mexico instead of this. Thank God she is a gemini and doesn't mean it, cause I would not be hard to convince. My taurus ass is half-way out the door, already. I just need to keep reminding myself that the economy is terrible and I have tens of thousands of dollars in school loans breathing down my neck.

I hear there is a hurricane heading to Texas. It is blustery and wet and still managing to be hot as hell outside. I am told that there aren't really hurricanes in Houston. I wouldn't be surprised if I had to survive a giant storm on top of everything else.

There is light at the end of this week long tunnel. We don't have to teach on Friday, on account of the fact that some country or another was formed on the fourth of July. I don't remember which one. But we don't have to teach. And I think a bunch of us are going to Willie Nelson's Fourth of July Picnic in Austin. It is going to kick so much ass! Willie, Neil Young, Patti Griffin, and Shaun Colvin are all playing. I can't believe it. Let's just hope the bank stops being evil and they give me the money they are holding hostage.

Wish me luck on my second week of teaching. Oy.
  ¶ 9:57 PM

  Houston Pride Saturday June 29, 2003

Well, it's not San Francisco...it's not even Portland, but it was pretty fun. There was a pretty impressive Teach for America showing on the bus going from UH to the parade. There was even a guy in a dress and heels. That was cool to see here in Houston. The parade wasn't very long or big, but it was spirited. It was also a lot more diverse than the other prides I've been to. I don't think I have ever seen so many Latino queers in all of my life put together. It made me very very happy.

We drank warm beer out of giant cans on the street and tried our hardest to get beads that were being thrown around. After the parade we tried to find a place to go out, but apparently after the pride parade in Houston people go back to hiding in their houses. There was seriously nothing to do. So we caught a cab. And the guy in the cab was yelling things like, "I know that faggot did not just blow his horn at me. Faggot!" And this was a cab we caught on the very same street that the parade was on. It was more upsetting than it should have been, I think. I got really sad about it. I had a lot of fun all night long, but as the night ended, I just couldn't stop thinking that my friends were having fun in the Castro. My friend Stacy called me from San Francisco pride and they were drinking and having a blast and I just kind of wanted to jump out of the homophobic cab and fly back home.

But all in all, I did have a lot of fun. And truely, I am meeting some great people here. I am really enjoying my new friends. I know that at least two of them are "keepers". Dana is from Wisconsin and she is the sweetest pea and my roomate here in Houston. She is great to live with and she helps me stay pretty positive, while allowing my bitter negativity, too. A rare quality. And Terri reminds me of the friends in my life that I love the best. Not to mention the fact that she cracks me up, loves The Bachelor, and is a pretty snappy dresser. She is one of those "Shut up! Me, too!" friends, where we keep coming up with creepy similarities. I can't wait for all of you to meet them.

  ¶ 12:30 PM