Enter...the freak out.

North Carolina is definately the South. I guess I thought it might be, but I didn't really realize what that was going to mean. And I know, after less than a week, I still don't reeealy know. But here are some ways that the South is different from the West:

1. You can never be on time. Well, you can be on time to the first thing you do that day, but you will forever be late after that. Why? Because people here have no sense of urgency. Everywhere I go- be it the supermarket, the mechanic, the bank- whomever I come into contact with will engage me in an- at least- ten minute conversation. For instance, when I was at the bank starting my new account, I learned about the "flood of '99", how Carls Jr. Burgers took over the Hardy's chain, what there is and isn't to do in Rocky Mount for a divorced woman, how since we can't strap kids anymore we can't scare them into listening in class...well, you get the point. And this was just the bank. In California, there may be chatting, but it is just while someone is helping you. They keep typing or whatever. No, here they lean back into their chairs, cease all other activity, and the chatting is what you are doing. It is bizarre.

2. People in the South are way nicer than people in the West. No kidding. I mean, I have never had so many people randomly offer me places to stay, cars to drive, dinners to eat, you name it. And I am not talking about people I know at all. Like today, my car died and I had to take it to a Good Year tire (yes, this is the car I just bought two days ago). The other customers at the Good Year were offering me their cars to drive and their places to sleep. For reals. Like, I just saw them there and they were going to give me a car. In the end, the guy who worked at the GY gave me a car to drive. I have it right now. Weird.

These are just two ways, but shit is weird. My day has kinda sucked. Yeah, the car dying didn't help. But I was also all alone in a giant apartment with no television, stereo, nothing. Very depressing. So I chain smoked and cried. Then I realized I was being melodramatic and got tired of myself. Then I remembered that I could still go back to my new friend Joe's house and that he had internet and cable. So now I am here and feeling a lot less depressed. But it is sort of romantic to be all alone in a new state feeling miserable. But after the romatic vision of it wore off, I realized I really just wanted to watch the Baby Story and email people. So here I am. I'm sorry to anyone who talked to me today and had me insist on being sad. Kudos to those who tried to talk me out of it.

I need to start work or something. I miss my friends. Now I don't only miss Oakland, San Francisco, and Portland friends, but I also miss my TFA friends. How fair is that? I am going to go watch Baby Story. Thank God for TLC.  ¶ 6:57 PM

  Last night I felt like I lived here for the first time. I spent the afternoon shopping for a bed...and then realizied that the kind of bed I want costs about six hundred dollars, so I went home with no bed. I'm not sure what to do about that. I guess I can just curl up in a blanket for awhile.

Then I had to go to a dinner. TFA makes us attend "community dinners" all this first week in our community. It is to foster relationships with people where we live. You would think that this is a good thing...and I realize that I probably sound lame for complaining about it...but, man am I tired of fostering relationships. I really just want to be left alone. And I think that most of us feel that way. After this summer, I was really mad to find out that I still had to do stuff for TFA, even after I arrived in my own space. And a lot of these dinners are held with older donor people who give tons of money and we have to dress up and kiss ass all night.

Anyhow, I went to one of these dinners last night. But it ended up being really cool. It was with this girl who is in TFA and her boyfriend, who are both from Seattle. We hung out and they were young and normal and it felt like having friends in North Carolina. It felt like real life. I am so yearning for that right now.

I feel okay about this right now. But I already kind of feel lonely. I miss the friends I made in Houston, all of which are nowhere to be found now. And I still miss my Oakland and Portland friends. Owen is closest, but still kind of far. Things are really busy now, so it is a little easier. But I worry that when things settle down more I am going to look around and find nothing to my liking.

But I am trying very hard to stay positive. And teaching is really going to be consuming. I just very much hope that I like teaching. That would help out a lot.
  ¶ 9:41 AM

  I hope you are all still in the habit of checking this blog. I know I have been absent for awhile. As my friend Janet Coonrod would say, my life has been a "whiiiirlwind". Things have been so busy and weird that it would be hard to recount them all. But I will, at least, try to bring everyone up to speed.

I left Houston, Texas at butt-crack early in the morning this past Saturday with a giant hangover and no regrets. Well, I sort of regretted drinking four margueritas and three beers, but not even that, really. I can't tell you the relief of leaving that place.

I got to North Carolina and Owen and Charles picked me up and took me to lunch and let me stay the night at their friends cabin. It was very "real life" in comparison to the life I have been living. We played video games and ate pudding. It was blissful.

But then I had to return to Teach for America land, which was even more frustrating after twenty-four hours of normalcy. They began instantly making demands of my time and surrounding me with people. I have had to be nice for so long now, that I am not sure I can do it much longer.

So, the housing anxiety began in earnest. As did the anxiety about me not having a car in a place where it is impossible to get around without one. Terri and I were planning on getting a house in a county that was in between the counties where we both worked and everyone began telling us what a bad idea it was for us to commute. Terri found out she had to begin work on Wednesday...yes, as in this Wednesday. The heart attacks begin.

Long, awful, stressful, tearful story short- Terri and I decide not to get a place together in the county we were planning on. This leaves us both, about ten hours before having to go look for housing, without a plan or a roomate. Not to mention the psychological scars we created by deciding to live apart when we had been drawing pictures of our house together just that afternoon. Ugh.

Fast forward to the next day- deleting the part about the crying and the going to get beers and the anger- and you have me, depressed and not knowing what to do. In an act of pure luck, my friend D from Institute tells me that she wants to have a roomate in Rocky Mount (where I am working) after all. We decide to get an apartment together. Then the guy we are staying with tells me that he is selling his car and I can buy it in payments.

So, now, I have an apartment (a little cheesy and in a development, but I have gotten decidedly less choosy), a new roomate, and a green 1995 Ford Contour. I am still a little freaked out to be here, but these important practical concerns make me much less so.

North Carolina is really beautiful. I like it in that aspect. Rocky Mount, where I live and work, from what I have seen of it, is possibly ass. I have to see more, but it pretty much sucks. But I can always go to Raleigh. Unfortunately, I am now living about an hour and a half from Owen and the cities of North Carolina, but we will see how that goes.

Whew. I will try to write more often. This was harrowing...  ¶ 7:11 PM