Tonight I had another purely Southern experience.

I went out tonight with two other new teachers at my school. I have been trying to go out with them for awhile, but things finally worked out. Jessica brought her husband Christian and Jimmy Craig brought his girlfriend Gwendy.

We went to this Mexican restaurant because when we had been there earlier, we met a blue-grass band who told us they were going to do a show. And the lead singer was the cutest boy I have ever seen in my life. So we had some nachos and then watched the show.

The band was awesome and so much fun. But I have seen blue-grass before. What I have never experienced before this, however, was a room packed with white men hootin' and hollerin' and spanking themselves while spinning in circles...well, there are touches of this at the Fulsom Street Fair in San Francisco, but believe me, this was different. They were out of control, falling down, so drunk I was sure that there would be public vomiting.

The band played forever and I love Scott, the lead singer. I realized that I had a referral from school in my purse, so I filled one out for him and dropped it in his "email" box. I requested a conference on the referral. Clever, no?  ¶ 1:26 AM

  There are these two kids in my class. I was warned about both of them before I set foot in my room. I was told that they were horrible and "lifers" in middle school. Knowing this, I immediately sought their love. I thought I would make them my ally instead of letting them hate me and ruin my room.

I managed to be successful at this, all of this time. I called their parents constantly, to let them know what a good job their kid did in my room. Their parents cried, this being the first positive thing they have heard about their monsters since 1st grade. It was working.

Today, one of these kids was pulled out because he is wanted for a burglary in another town. The other got herself suspended for calling her teacher (not me) a "stupid bitch". This feels awful to me. I am so sad, because the side of these kids that I see is really nice. They are both generally good kids. They are especially charming- that is why they can control a class they way they do. They are hilarious and deep down want so badly to be "good". But they are so intent on self-destruction.

I am finally feeling this hit home, in a personal way. I am getting a taste of what it is like to actually know the statistics that we read about. This boy, the burgular, is going off to Juvenile Hall soon. Very likely, that will be the first of many institutions that will house him. Many people will be afraid of him when he is walking around as an adult. But, I swear , he is a really nice kid. I like him so much. He is funny, which means he is pretty smart. I don't know what happened.

But I do know that this is exactly what Teach for America wants us to see, so that we can go out and do something about it. I am learning something that I thought I already knew, about poverty and color. But I guess I didn't really know it.

  ¶ 6:31 PM

  They are bastards, aren't they? Is there no hope?

So today, the children revolted. Just plain-ass revolted. In my third period class, I had to sent three children to the office, separately. One for theft, one for signing "Donald Duck" to a contract I was making with her, and one for screaming in the hallway and leaving my room without permission. The last student, when sent out, refused to go. She stood in the middle of my classroom yelling, "This is WACK! YOU are WACK!" until I called in the middle school swat team to drag her little butt away.

The other children found this hilarious.

YOU try to hold a mock trial about the the book the Outsiders while that kind of stuff is occuring. Now, that is "wack".

But then I had my first official Teach for America observation and interview. My field representative said I was doing well and I seemed to have management all "tied up". Of course, she was observing the class that followed my theiving Donald Duck wack class, so she didn't see any of that. But it still felt good to hear something positive.

In the end, the timer is no match for a screaming, angry, under-resourced child. That is the moral of my story.  ¶ 6:04 PM

  The best invention in the world? The tiny handheld timer that I just started using.

This is working better than anything I have tried. I asked myself what bothered me most about my class. And I realized that I was tired of talking over them and tired of saying their names over and over. So I vowed to not do those things. So now, they start the week with a half an hour of free time on Friday to play games or "chill". Then, when I ask for their attention and they don't give it, I push the button on my timer and watch the seconds tick away. Then I subtract the time they have wasted from their game time. They really freak out when they hear that button pushed. So now, all I do is calmly say, "I'd like your attention." If they continue to talk or be out of their seat, I say, "You are now wasting your own time." and click.

They yell at each other to shut up, etc. It really is working. I hope it continues to. I feel a lot more human when I don't have to hate the world.
  ¶ 5:23 PM

  It is working! I don't have many delusions that it will always work, but the kids are way under control right now. I have actually rather enjoyed my day and yesterday was fine, too. I am still at work, but I thought if I have something positive to say, I should do it now and quick!  ¶ 1:30 PM

  Enough about the gays. Back here in Rocky Mount it all seems irrelevant.

I came into school today with a purpose. That purpose was to try to figure out ways to be less miserable. So I talked to a bunch of teachers and came up with a plan. I revamped all of our classroom rules. I taught nothing today and instead talked the whole hour and a half with my classes about respect and let them choose rules and consequences for themselves. I also just stared at them when they were being rude and talking out of turn until they became uncomfortable and stopped. It kind of worked. I have no dillusions that it will continue to always work, but it felt good to do something different.

I also decided to give up a little on making ever assignment interesting. They do much better with boring. They can handle the structure of worksheets and quizzes so much better than music and discussion. I'd rather them be bored and hate me and learn than be stimulated and hate me and not learn.

This is my new day. Please, please, make them stop talking...  ¶ 7:06 PM