It is so funny, the things that can hold a teacher up from doing what she needs to do. It is amazing how many detentions that are deserved, but not given, simply because I cannot find the damn detention pad. Or how many time I have not allowed a child to go to the bathroom because I have misplaced the stupid hall pass pad.

I have pads and papers and notices and very important documents strewn EVERYWHERE in my room. I keep coming across top secret documents, like papers giving all of this really personal info on a kid, stuffed in a drawer or behind the glue in the construction paper cabinet. It is all so very wrong.

I feel hesitant to say this, but I like my job right now. It isn't bad. I am finishing our first novel tomorrow and we will watch a movie. We are starting a new unit and I feel so much more prepared to do that. I dig it. And the classroom management stuff I am doing is really working. The kids still mess up, but there is a clear procedure for it and I am no longer so apologetic. If only I could make those damn parent phone calls I have been meaning to make. Urg. I keep threatening to call parents, but by the time I leave work, the last thing I want to do is talk about the little rats.

Still, I can't wait for the weekend. I love weekends so much.  ¶ 4:46 PM

  I told my little burglar that he was breaking my heart, today.

He came to me from In School Suspension, where his actions in my class on Thursday put him, and gave me a letter. The letter was this heartwrenching account of how he wanted to straighten up but he felt like it was too late. He wrote that I was helping him to "do good" and that he was afraid they were going to put him in Juvenile Hall, now. When I caught him pilfering in the other teacher's desk the other day, I said to him, "I'm so disappointed, Darrell. Please go outside." with a shake of my head. He wrote that when I said that, he wanted to cry.

I wrote him back saying that if he meant what he said, it broke my heart. I told him about some of the boys I grew up with that were so funny and smart, but made all kinds of stupid decisions. I told him that a lot of them went off to Juvenile Hall and never really came out. I told him that I worried, because Juvie can be a direct funnel right into prison and that I wanted him to really think and start choosing better things.

And before this, I had watched one of my best students insanely attack another one of my students in the lunch room. It was so ugly, she was really out of control. Both girls were escorted out by the police, sobbing. The girl who attacked the other one won't be returning. It is her third fight this year and they have all been described as "vicious" and I believe that she will be expelled. This is the same girl who yesterday made me a clay "fossil" in science class and brought it to me tenderly wrapped in a paper napkin. She apologized about how the glitter was "mussing" my desk. It is hanging by my desk, but she is gone.

Good Lord. Today, in one of my classes, I only had 10 out of 17 of my students present. Most were gone due to suspensions and expulsions and one burglary.

I don't hate my job, anymore. But I am getting more sad. I don't know exactly what to do to get these kids to just stop fighting. They fight everyday. I fought in Junior High, but this is all these kids do. They can barely attend class due to it.

But, on a happy note, my friend Julie is going to visit me over the weekend and I get to take Friday off! We are going to watch some of my students perform in a Step competition and go to a skating party on Saturday. God bless roller skating!  ¶ 9:00 PM