Bad news.

All semester, my repeater kids have been told that if they met these certain goals (few absences, no fights, etc.) they would be moved up to high school in the spring semester. This has been the carrot in front of the cart for the last four months. We dangle it constantly.

Yesterday, I found out that they aren't going to get to go, due to budget cuts at the high school. So everything that they have been working for is for nothing, as far as they are going to be concerned.

I am sure I will have an easy time gaining their trust back after this one.  ¶ 7:31 AM

  Oh, the drama.

Remember that post when I was all proud of myself because I decided to keep all of my students in the face of having the option to send them off to alternative school?

Today I found myself in the principal's office begging her to send a couple away. This came after an entire class revolted against me, led by one of my precious and anger-inclined repeaters. I'll spare the details...just picture literature books flying through the air, threats of being sued, and one very mad 14-year-old screaming "I hate you white bitches always trying to control me!" All because I don't let them go to the bathroom whenever they please.

I still feel bad about the prospect of any of my students going away to alternative school. I feel like it is a giving up on them of sorts. Teach for America teaches us not to do that. I know that going away isn't going to be good for this student, who is bright and full of...um...life and ideas, but I am at the end of my little rope. I am coming to the thought that it isn't fair for the other students in my classes to let a few completely bring learning to a halt with their behavior. Other students who actually care about their education and are trying to improve themselves.

The "good" students just don't quite make as sexy of a story, in the end. It makes people shudder to hear the story of the near convict who gains a love of literature and life, all because of your wisdom and dedication. We are all left breathless from the tales of that one ragged and unkept teen whose wild and seemingly violent tendancies simply hide the genius that is trapped beneath his poverty. We want to be the teacher who attends the award ceremony when he gets a scholarship to a community college and says, "You were the only one who believed in me..." with a tear in his eye. It is all very "Stand and Deliver".

But what about the kid who has been trying really hard all year? The one who sighs heavily when the books start to fly in her classroom because she knows this is going to be yet another hour where, instead of learning grammar, she knows she is going to be watching an episode of Jerry Springer?

I'm tired of catering to the kids who don't care. I don't think it is fair to the other kids. So I think I am going to get the kids who are causing the most trouble out. And the principal is supportive of it. It is hard to be in Teach for America, sometimes. We get a lot of messages that tell us that we are a revolution and that the old ways have to go. That we need to fight for the kids that seem hopeless. But then there are people, like my principal, who have decades of experience and I have to wonder, don't they know more than me about this? Shouldn't I trust her instincts?

It is all very confusing. But in the end, I am simply tired of having things thrown at me and being called a bitch. I need some peace. But maybe teaching isn't where peace is gotten.  ¶ 6:28 PM

  Washington D.C. was surprising to me. I think I expected it to be something else. I don't know...bigger or older or something.

It is a very pretty city...everything seemed pretty clean. I guess they pay people a lot of money to scrub it down so it looks good to tourists and politicians. The White House was much much smaller than I expected. The first thing I did there was go to the Holocaust Museum. When is one in a good space to go to that, I wonder? I just kind of went because it was the first thing we ran into on my list of places to see. It was heavy and intense. I learned a lot about the Holocaust that I didn't know. It was also sort of...packaged, I guess. I just kept thinking about how it seemed a little like a big, shiny advertisment. Not an advertisment...but it was all very slick. But I guess that is good because people are most responsive to things that are slick and well-packaged. But I'm really glad I went. I learned a lot.

Terri and I got our pictures taken in front of the White House and in front of the Washington Monument. It is hard to avoid the Washington Monument, though, because it juts out into the sky and you can see it everywhere. We passed on getting our pictures taken with the cardboard cut-outs of Bush and Clinton.

We also cooked a pretty impressive Thanksgiving dinner, complete with a real turkey! We labored for over an hour in the grocery store trying to figure out what our capabilities were in the cooking a turkey sphere. In the end, we decided to go for it and we cooked a pretty nice turkey. I was a little suspicious...it may have been slightly pink...but Terri and her sister said it wasn't, so I trusted them. Still, I think we did pretty well.

The weekend was somewhat relaxing and totally fun. Today, I had to get back to teaching reality and plan for the week, but everything feels much nicer with the knowledge that I only have three teaching weeks until break! And on December 21st, I fly to Portland! I don't come back until the 1st! So, Portlanders, what is up for New Years?

I hope to also make it to the Bay Area for a spell...though money is looking bad on that front. But if I can lie, cheat, and steal for the dough, I'll be seeing you folks, too.  ¶ 10:15 PM