Today I outed myself to about four teachers.

I wish I could tell some heroic story about how strong my convinctions are and how I decided not to live a lie and take a stand. But, like many things, it was a total accident.

I was emailing the woman I am seeing and a few teachers came up behind me as I was writing "Kisses to you" at the end. One of them read it (isn't that just the rudest thing?) out loud to everyone else. They all started fawning about how the just knew I had to have someone and why hadn't I told them, etc. I looked quickly at what was visible on the screen and sighed in relief when I saw no actually names or indications that it was a woman. So I just pressed send.

Well, Hotmail writes, "Message sent to ----" and the person's name. So they also read the name. And the name of the woman I am seeing is not a "Chris" or a "Pat" or even a "Leslie" or "Kelly". It is just plainly a girl name. The silence that fell over my small crowd was stunning.

Needless to say, the fawning ceased. Then I was immersed in the awkward silence of a group of people suddenly finding me difficult to be near. I changed the topic quickly and just closed my browser. Ugh.

I guess it is okay. I think it is for the best. But considering the reaction that the one woman I came out to had, I am not looking forward to having so many others know.

But this weekend is looking great. I took Friday off so that I can hopefully karaoke with Owen and friends tomorrow night. And Monday is a holiday.   ¶ 4:40 PM

  Everyone said that the second semester would be so much better...and they were right.

I am afraid at how well things are going (those that know me well know that there is much knocking on wood occuring at this moment). The kids just seem...settled. We all know each other very well and I know what to let go and what to pounce on. I am so much more relaxed because I am not worried that something weird is going to come out of nowhere at me.

I have moments where I actually consider teaching another year here. But then I wake up and remember that I do not want to have to go through another first semester here. I am tortured with indecision about what I am going to do with myself after leaving Rocky Mount. I just know I have to leave here.

I suppose I could teach another year, just not here. But I don't think I really want to. It is tolerable, but I don't want to spend a whole lot of time doing something I only consider tolerable.  ¶ 8:45 AM