Teaching is sort of like going to school again...but being cooler. At least right now it is. I distinctly remember (and I know if I were to go back and read some old posts) that I was terribly unliked here, at first. I remember feeling waves of hate crash toward me in the classroom and feeling perforated by the lazer-beam dislike in many eyes. I remember that they used to snicker when I said certain things and that feeling of complete vulnerablity because I couldn't tell what they were laughing at.

But these memories seem distant right now. And I can see clearly now how a teacher builds a reputation and becomes loved. Not that there aren't always problems, but I think starting a new year must be so much easier when some of the kids have heard of you-- heard that you are fun and nice. I am sad to not be staying at my school. Not, of course, sad to be leaving this town. But I think next year, here, would probably be a lot better.

I can also see how teaching just becomes what you do. I am already thinking ahead in terms of school years, instead of months. I have two more years of teaching, but I can see how they could just extend into more. I am feeling a bit like a success story, but that could be partly because I have had such a great day.

One of my students brought me a present, which was really sweet. I got a lot of love, today, from them. And a lot of them had me sign their yearbooks that they just got. A really neat gesture because I know that they don't ask every teacher. I got to see what students wrote next to my picture. Where, on some teachers, there was written, "mean", "whack", "ugly", the yearbooks I saw all said, "fun" or "cool". One said, "leaving" and had a sad face drawn next to it. Of course, these were the yearbooks of the kids who like me...there are certain students whose yearbooks I am glad I didn't see.

I have broken down and decided to get my hair cut in Rocky Mount. I haven't done it since I moved here, but my hair just has to get some lovin'. So on my birthday weekend, I am going to try to beautify myself a bit. Wish me luck.  ¶ 3:07 PM

  The birthday is approaching and there will be fondue and festivities. So exciting.

Sometimes, when a period is ending, it seems like all of the tensions you have had all year just kind of surface and can't be ignored. That is how I feel about these last five weeks in Rocky Mount. My Rocky Mount life, not that it was so great ever, has pretty much disintigrated into terrible. But I am going to forge ahead. I am bringing home boxes today which will make me feel better, I think. It will help to feel like I am moving forward into a new phase.

In better news, my classroom is just really amazing right now. I very often wish that I was being observed so that I could show off my stuff. I know that part of it is the fact that I just know my kids so well, and they know me. I have dreams that next year will be like this right away, but my more practical self knows it won't be. It takes time to build the kind of trust and comfort that my student's and I have now. But I know that it is bound to be better than the first semester here was. I now have more "skillz", as my kids would say.  ¶ 3:22 PM

  The rally in D.C. was really amazing. It was very cool to see Hilary Clinton and be a part of such a huge event. I was glad to be a part of making history. I did have some complicated feelings about the rally. There were some anti-choice people out with their sign showing some pretty horrific scenes and that brought me down a few notches. The whole issue is so complicated, but in the end, I was glad that I went.

I also just kind of like D.C. I wasn't expecting to, but I find it quite pretty and so fascinating. Everywhere you go you see something that you have read about or learned about in school. Amazing.

I got paid for my secret shopping today! I can't believe I made real money doing it. What a coup!

I am presently holding school-wide detention in a very hot room. At our school, the temperature is controlled by the central office-- which is in a different town. How smart is that? I don't know if it is really cold there, but it is hot here and it feels like the heater is on. I am in a very small room surrounded by the biggest trouble-makers at my school. I know I have come a long way because I am not intimidated by them at all. I have a really good "teacher look" now that stops children dead in their tracks. Awesome.  ¶ 3:02 PM