First Year Teacher
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Last night I (almost) had a pleasant dream and (almost) didn't have a nightmare!
I dreamed about a really cute boy at a counter and I was buying CD's. Everything was going well-- I looked in my wallet and had more money than I thought I did, he was flirting with me and really cute, everything was great!
Then, when I turned away from the counter, I inexplicibly put a quarter in my mouth and swallowed. I looked at a hospital across the street and thought that if I started to choke, I could go there. I wasn't choking yet, but it seemed close. Then, for some reason, I put another quarter in my mouth and swallowed. Then I really was choking. And I couldn't breathe. And I passed out before I could get to the hospital.
It is sad that this is the most pleasant dream I have had in awhile.
Maybe Hogdays will fill my head with such wonderful images, this whole nightmare thing will be behind me! Hogdays, today! ¶ 11:31 AM
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I dreamed about a really cute boy at a counter and I was buying CD's. Everything was going well-- I looked in my wallet and had more money than I thought I did, he was flirting with me and really cute, everything was great!
Then, when I turned away from the counter, I inexplicibly put a quarter in my mouth and swallowed. I looked at a hospital across the street and thought that if I started to choke, I could go there. I wasn't choking yet, but it seemed close. Then, for some reason, I put another quarter in my mouth and swallowed. Then I really was choking. And I couldn't breathe. And I passed out before I could get to the hospital.
It is sad that this is the most pleasant dream I have had in awhile.
Maybe Hogdays will fill my head with such wonderful images, this whole nightmare thing will be behind me! Hogdays, today! ¶ 11:31 AM
Friday, June 18, 2004
I will start today's post with a story.
When I was six, my Dad officially adopted my two older brothers (who he had raised, but my mom's first husband's name was still on the birth certificates). To celebrate this, we all went to Disneyland.
This was my first (and last) time going to Disneyland and I was, of course, excited. I was so excited that I can remember how hot it was outside and can see the dust swirling in the parking lot. I was so excited that I made us all leave our hotel room way too early and we had to wait a long time in front of the big iron gates for the park to open.
As we waited, I thought of all of the wonderful things that would happen inside. For at least an hour, I stared at the gates, whispering to myself, "Open, now! Open, now!" I was in a tizzy.
Finally the gates opened! My excitement swelled up and as I started to run to the gates to go in-- I vomited. Too excited.
The day was still good. The reason I mention this is because I am going to Hogdays tomorrow and I feel almost this excited. I don't know why things like this get me so geared up. When we all went to the North Carolina State Fair, I felt much the same way. Something about hot, outdoor events...something about dust...something about strange things I have never seen before.
Hopefully I won't vomit at the Hogday. ¶ 12:04 PM
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When I was six, my Dad officially adopted my two older brothers (who he had raised, but my mom's first husband's name was still on the birth certificates). To celebrate this, we all went to Disneyland.
This was my first (and last) time going to Disneyland and I was, of course, excited. I was so excited that I can remember how hot it was outside and can see the dust swirling in the parking lot. I was so excited that I made us all leave our hotel room way too early and we had to wait a long time in front of the big iron gates for the park to open.
As we waited, I thought of all of the wonderful things that would happen inside. For at least an hour, I stared at the gates, whispering to myself, "Open, now! Open, now!" I was in a tizzy.
Finally the gates opened! My excitement swelled up and as I started to run to the gates to go in-- I vomited. Too excited.
The day was still good. The reason I mention this is because I am going to Hogdays tomorrow and I feel almost this excited. I don't know why things like this get me so geared up. When we all went to the North Carolina State Fair, I felt much the same way. Something about hot, outdoor events...something about dust...something about strange things I have never seen before.
Hopefully I won't vomit at the Hogday. ¶ 12:04 PM
Thursday, June 17, 2004
I sort of promised myself that I would stop posting about nightmares because it is disturbing to all involved...but I just kind of need to purge.
Last night I dreamed about the following things (yes, all of them):
1. I was at the site to take the very important teaching test that I need to take to teach in California when I realized that I hadn't registered for it at all. All of the Teach for America people were looking at me like I was a moron and kept saying over and over, "What is the matter with you?" I cried.
2. I was in a parking lot and a black ferrari pulled out of the space next to me too close, scraping the side of my car really bad. I had a momentary panic attack, wondering if it was somehow my fault even though I wasn't even moving. I got out of the car to exchange information and the person flipped me off and drove away. I cried.
3. I was living in some weird apartment building and there were all kinds of people I knew outside in the grass playing games and stuff. I had some sense that I wasn't allowed to let them inside my apartment...I felt somehow like no one at the complex was allowed to let them in and to do so would be a breach of something. Then it started to rain really hard and hail and the people were pounding on my door. I wasn't sure what to do, so I hesitated, but in the end, I let them in. Even though I did finally let them in, they were all really angry at me for taking so long and were ordering me about my apartment, telling me to make them sandwiches and stuff. I cried.
4. I was attacked by a dog. I was bleeding everywhere. I'm not sure if I cried or not.
The funny thing is, I'm not really a crier. Maybe I'm getting it out in dreams or something. The other funny thing is that I had fun and was relaxed last night and didn't even have a hard time falling asleep (which has been a problem lately). I don't know why this barage of bad dreams.
In much more exciting news, I am going to Hogdays! Yes, an actual event here in North Carolina, celebrating hogs. You can read all about it at www.hogdays.com! ¶ 11:24 AM
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Last night I dreamed about the following things (yes, all of them):
1. I was at the site to take the very important teaching test that I need to take to teach in California when I realized that I hadn't registered for it at all. All of the Teach for America people were looking at me like I was a moron and kept saying over and over, "What is the matter with you?" I cried.
2. I was in a parking lot and a black ferrari pulled out of the space next to me too close, scraping the side of my car really bad. I had a momentary panic attack, wondering if it was somehow my fault even though I wasn't even moving. I got out of the car to exchange information and the person flipped me off and drove away. I cried.
3. I was living in some weird apartment building and there were all kinds of people I knew outside in the grass playing games and stuff. I had some sense that I wasn't allowed to let them inside my apartment...I felt somehow like no one at the complex was allowed to let them in and to do so would be a breach of something. Then it started to rain really hard and hail and the people were pounding on my door. I wasn't sure what to do, so I hesitated, but in the end, I let them in. Even though I did finally let them in, they were all really angry at me for taking so long and were ordering me about my apartment, telling me to make them sandwiches and stuff. I cried.
4. I was attacked by a dog. I was bleeding everywhere. I'm not sure if I cried or not.
The funny thing is, I'm not really a crier. Maybe I'm getting it out in dreams or something. The other funny thing is that I had fun and was relaxed last night and didn't even have a hard time falling asleep (which has been a problem lately). I don't know why this barage of bad dreams.
In much more exciting news, I am going to Hogdays! Yes, an actual event here in North Carolina, celebrating hogs. You can read all about it at www.hogdays.com! ¶ 11:24 AM
Monday, June 14, 2004
Don't you hate it when someone does something you really meant to do but were too lazy/scared to do it yourself? A teacher at my school wrote the following letter to our superintendant, principal, the vice-principal, and the guidance counselor. It pretty much sums up my year and she is very brave to have done it. I didn't want to out her for doing it, but would be happy to give her credit if she was willing. The letter is as follows:
To Dr., Mrs., Mrs., and Mrs.:
50 years after Brown v. Board of Education ...
My "advanced" class is 44% white.
My "academic" classes are 8% white.
79% of my "academic" classes receive free lunch.
8% of my "advanced" class receives free lunch.
Of those students scoring above the 60th percentile on the EOG in my "academic" classes, 80% were black.
The student with the lowest EOG score (252, 20th percentile) in the "advanced" class was white, with full-price lunch. She scored lower than 79% of the students in the "academic" classes.
The student with the highest EOG score (265, 76th percentile) in the "academic" classes was black, with free lunch. She scored higher than 84% of the students in the "advanced" class.
Sadly, fifty years after Brown v. Board of Education, racial and economic segregation continues at this Middle School. It continues when the guidance office calls teachers before placing a new student to ask which of her classes has the most white students. It continues when administrators tell teachers that black students can't understand sarcastic humor. It continues in statistics like
those above, which show that students from privileged homes are placed in advanced classes and students from underprivileged homes are placed in academic classes, with little consideration of their true abilities.
In my opinion, the only way to eliminate this problem is to implement the decision of 1954's Supreme Court: we must declare that a separate education is not an equal education. I propose that our Middle School eliminate grouping by "ability" altogether in order to better serve all students.
This proposal may be seen as a call for heterogeneous grouping, which some see as detrimental to top-achieving students. I would suggest that our classrooms are already heterogeneous. We already have both top-achieving students and low-achieving students in every classroom. What we lack, and what we desperately need, is racial and economic diversity in our classrooms. Only when our classrooms are colorblind can we hope for the continuing racial barriers in our
community and our nation eventually to disappear.
At the very least, I hope you will decide next year that students who are placed in one "academic" class (say, math) might be able to take other classes on the "advanced" level. At present, students must take all "academic" or all "advanced" classes, which fails to recognize that some students are strong in one subject and weaker in another.
Thank you for your consideration of these ideas.
Teacher
Sixth Grade Language Arts
Middle School
¶ 5:05 PM
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To Dr., Mrs., Mrs., and Mrs.:
50 years after Brown v. Board of Education ...
My "advanced" class is 44% white.
My "academic" classes are 8% white.
79% of my "academic" classes receive free lunch.
8% of my "advanced" class receives free lunch.
Of those students scoring above the 60th percentile on the EOG in my "academic" classes, 80% were black.
The student with the lowest EOG score (252, 20th percentile) in the "advanced" class was white, with full-price lunch. She scored lower than 79% of the students in the "academic" classes.
The student with the highest EOG score (265, 76th percentile) in the "academic" classes was black, with free lunch. She scored higher than 84% of the students in the "advanced" class.
Sadly, fifty years after Brown v. Board of Education, racial and economic segregation continues at this Middle School. It continues when the guidance office calls teachers before placing a new student to ask which of her classes has the most white students. It continues when administrators tell teachers that black students can't understand sarcastic humor. It continues in statistics like
those above, which show that students from privileged homes are placed in advanced classes and students from underprivileged homes are placed in academic classes, with little consideration of their true abilities.
In my opinion, the only way to eliminate this problem is to implement the decision of 1954's Supreme Court: we must declare that a separate education is not an equal education. I propose that our Middle School eliminate grouping by "ability" altogether in order to better serve all students.
This proposal may be seen as a call for heterogeneous grouping, which some see as detrimental to top-achieving students. I would suggest that our classrooms are already heterogeneous. We already have both top-achieving students and low-achieving students in every classroom. What we lack, and what we desperately need, is racial and economic diversity in our classrooms. Only when our classrooms are colorblind can we hope for the continuing racial barriers in our
community and our nation eventually to disappear.
At the very least, I hope you will decide next year that students who are placed in one "academic" class (say, math) might be able to take other classes on the "advanced" level. At present, students must take all "academic" or all "advanced" classes, which fails to recognize that some students are strong in one subject and weaker in another.
Thank you for your consideration of these ideas.
Teacher
Sixth Grade Language Arts
Middle School
¶ 5:05 PM
Things are looking up. I found a distraction: liquor!
No, well, kind of, but only for a weekend. This weekend I indulged in the kind of all out irresponsible behavior that I used to think was relagated to high school. I got very drunk and was driven (don't drink and drive, right?) to the beach in the early morning hours. While the most responsible and sober of us drove, the other of us two wildly and illegally clinked our wine glasses and emptied yet another gigantic bottle of wine into our already wine-filled tummies in the backseat. When reaching the beach, none of us had remembered to bring shorts so we swam in our jeans.
When we sobered, we realized that wet jeans filled with sand really hurts...turns into sand paper in the nethers, actually. Ouch. But nothing was to be done about it. All and all, it was a blast.
So, distraction had, I am ready to start my new job tomorrow. Cashering, which will be probably mind-bogglingly boring, but working with the public makes for great blogging, so here we go. ¶ 4:20 PM
No, well, kind of, but only for a weekend. This weekend I indulged in the kind of all out irresponsible behavior that I used to think was relagated to high school. I got very drunk and was driven (don't drink and drive, right?) to the beach in the early morning hours. While the most responsible and sober of us drove, the other of us two wildly and illegally clinked our wine glasses and emptied yet another gigantic bottle of wine into our already wine-filled tummies in the backseat. When reaching the beach, none of us had remembered to bring shorts so we swam in our jeans.
When we sobered, we realized that wet jeans filled with sand really hurts...turns into sand paper in the nethers, actually. Ouch. But nothing was to be done about it. All and all, it was a blast.
So, distraction had, I am ready to start my new job tomorrow. Cashering, which will be probably mind-bogglingly boring, but working with the public makes for great blogging, so here we go. ¶ 4:20 PM
