You know what I love about teaching? The endless opportunities it affords me to purchase. I love to purchase. I didn't used to. But as I grow older, I am also growing an affinity for purchasing things. All kinds of things. I now like to purchase clothes-- now that I have found Ann Taylor Loft, which seems to have been built and created just for my particular body. I now also love to purchase bulletin board boarders of all shapes and colors-- wavy being my favorite.

This morning I just purchased thirty dollars worth of plastic keychains, wooden pegboard games, and smiley pins from an online company. This purchase, of course, I dream will create harmony in my classroom like nothing else has been able to do. The children will be shouting and bootie dancing through the aisles. I will quietly pick up a plastic smiley face pin from my secret stash (hidden under my desk to prevent theft) and set it on the desk of the one quiet student who is awaiting instruction. The quiet student will look up and tears will fill her eyes, having finally been recognized for her attentiveness. The bootie dancers will notice this unexpected gift and, overwhelmed with jealousy and longing for a plastic smiley face pin of their own, the bootie dancing will cease. They will sit and quiety work until they receive a pin of their own. Instruction will begin.

Yeah, maybe I just wasted thirty dollars...but the dream is almost worth it.

Other things I love about teaching today:

1. Being allowed to wear jeans on Friday makes every Friday seem like a special holiday.

2. I am basically unmonitored all the time. No one ever seems to know or care what I am doing in my classroom. And so I am allowed to create an alternate universe.

3. I am back in bed watching Netflix movies by 4pm.

4. Sometimes, just sometimes, I teach someone something.

5. My whiteboard is magnatized. So I have magnets on my whiteboard.

6. The constant opportunities to use a 150 point type.

7. The excuse it gives me to go to Staples on a regular basis and lust after paper trays and bulk ink pens.

8. How funny it is that one of my students came into my room yesterday, slapping his own ass like a horse, and refused to stop until he had circled every-- yes, every-- desk.

9. Today is payday.

10. I like the way kids call me "Miss". No last name. Just "Miss". I just like that.  ¶ 7:42 AM

  I just spent almost my entire planning period learning all about this assessment tool we are going to be using! The kids have taken the benchmark test and now I have the "opportunity" to go over each question each child answered incorrectly and figure out why they answered it incorrectly. Then I can tailor a program for each individual child which includes creating both diagnostic and remedial tests! Each child will only have the questions on their test that are designed just for their specific levels and needs!

My ass. When am I supposed to have the time to do this? Especially considering the kids that I teach? Today I looked around the room as I was trying to get them to read a play. One child was haltingly reading a word per minute, it seemed. One child was staring at the window (which is covered in paper, so he was just looking at paper) while mouthing the lyrics to a rap song semi-quietly. One student had his hand up in the air like it was an airplane, and that airplane was flying back and forth in varying speeds. One student was writing "This class suck. This class suck." over and over again on a sheet of paper...paper that he had borrowed from me, by the way. One student had his book closed and was patiently staring at the clock waiting for it all to be over so he could go to band.

Yeah. I have all the time and energy in the world to be creating two different tests and entire reading programs for every single one of my seventy students. And they are sure to focus and really buy into the program! Feeling a little negative today. Forgive me.  ¶ 11:59 AM