So, the forecast for where I live is calling for freezing rain and some sort of ice-storm. I, of course, having been paying no attention to such things. I always think that nothing is actually going to happen.

But this morning, Owen called to tell me I might want to go to the store to stock up on food. I obediently did so. But when I got to the store, I realized that I had no idea what stocking up on food meant. You always hear about people getting bread and milk. But what do they do with it? They don't just sit around munching bread and sipping milk, right? Do they have cereal? Because I don't like cereal. And I don't much care for milk. I don't feel like eating sandwiches, which is the only thing I can think of to do with bread at the moment. Anyway, I ended up walking out of there with chips, wine, soda, and pasta. So I won't die of starvation and I can be drunk if my power goes out and I have to be cold.

This day is a great opportunity for me to do some work for my classes so that I am not slammed this week! Perfect! I think I'll watch some cable first... just for a minute or two...
  ¶ 10:27 AM

  This morning I got into one of those teacher conversations about how shocking our kids' lack of respect for authority can be. We were all lamenting what our society is going to turn into once these kids are in charge of everything. I've been thinking about television and how it sets an example. The examples of parenting that I have seen lately show a trend, for sure. Nanny 911. Super Nanny. The Soprano's. Any sitcom.

Have you noticed that all the kids on television treat their parents like crap? And have you noticed how it is supposed to be funny? And have you also noticed that the parents are completely ineffectual at parenting? What kind of example does this set and what are the effects of it?

Now, I know some awesome parents. My brother and his wife are amazingly artful at parenting my niece and nephew. It seems to come to them naturally and they love their kids enough to be thoughtful with their consequences and be firm without being mean. Good parents are out there. I know my niece will probably not come to 8th grade and tell her teacher to "Shut up, B$@%&". But there are so many kids who have no respect for authority and I have to wonder how much of that is learned from the media (I know there are tons of other factors, too).

But the conversation with my fellow teachers ended with all of them deciding that kids just needed to be spanked more. That to fix this problem we should hit them and then they won't be rude because they'll be afraid. I have always been against spanking (and I still am), but this environment challenges me on that. Some of my students respond to "the rod". But I'm sticking to my non-violent guns. My brother and his wife don't spank their kids and they mind. I know it can be done.  ¶ 7:48 AM

  I wonder why it is so hard to forget what you know. Like, I knew that the second half of the year is so much easier than the first, but I still fell into the December hole. All December I felt terrible and useless as a teacher-- it was hard to get over.

But now, at the end of January, I feel great. I guess it takes half a year for the vibe to work itself out in the classroom and for the kids to really trust you and get what you are trying to do. I have had some really cool conversations with my kids this week-- some about school stuff and some not. And when I came into school on Monday (they hadn't seen me for three days due to snow) I had kids all over the place saying, "Ms. R! Know what?" and "Ms. R, come here!" trying to tell me things that had happened to them. Like they *gasp* missed me! It felt really good.

And my slower class "got" Lord of the Flies today! They were excited to learn about symbolism. I almost didn't even talk about it because I thought it would be over their heads, but when I did they really liked it. They thought it was fun to try to figure out what everything symbolized. I almost underestimated them. It is so easy to do.

Things are awesome right now.  ¶ 10:54 AM

  Teaching The Lord of the Flies is the best thing ever. I have to admit that I was very worried about choosing a book that I actually love so much. Last year taught me that more I was invested in a work or an idea in particular, the harder it hit me when the kids spit all over it. I learned very quickly that I had to keep my sights set on helping them improve and not really invest in my own likes and dislikes.

I still think that is a pretty good idea. Being an English teacher, I had all these fantasies about how I was going to instill this love of literature and help my impoverished students escape the problems in their lives through books. I realized that there were particular books I had in mind and particular ways I wanted them to show me they were loving literature and escaping their problems…I think in my head it looked a lot like an after-school special. I even had this particular outfit I would be wearing--button-down red long-sleeved shirt tucked into perfectly tailored khaki slacks, and a shiny silver bracelet.

I figured out pretty quickly that they don’t all like what I like. And that I was going to be too tired every day to iron slacks and I don’t like wearing bracelets. So I am in school today in my college hoodie, slightly wrinkled corduroy pants, and tennis shoes. And I don’t try to make them love what I love…well, yes I do, but I try not to take it as hard when they don’t.

But this book! They do love it! And they are making connections and saying the smartest things in the world. They are really engaged in this and they aren’t even focusing on this complicated game I created to trick them into learning. Two of my high level classes are really grooving on symbolism—which is what I loved about Lord of the Flies when I was a kid. They rock my world.

My two lower classes have no idea what I am talking about and hate the book. I don’t know how to make them understand even the most basic of concepts. But my two other classes show me how fun it could be to teach English if all my kids cared and could read well. It is a good day, so far.
  ¶ 10:22 AM

  Why is it that starting a class is so exciting but actually doing work for a class sucks so much?

I couldn't wait to get the textbook for my new online class about reading. I waited for UPS to come for days. When it finally came, I cracked it open with relish and smelled the inside (do you do this too or am I a freak?) and dreamed of all the learnin' I was going to get from it. I took it into the bath-- where I do all my serious reading-- and read about learning styles and phonics v. whole language. I highlighted to my heart's content.

Then I got my syllabus! Oh, the excitement! I carefully went through it, made sure to write down each due date in my Palm Pilot, and then wrote all those due dates again on my magnetic dry-erase calendar on my fridge. Then I took out a fresh notebook and new pen and set them neatly on my dining room table, ready for work.

Now I have my first paper due tomorrow. And I am sitting here in front of the computer knowing quite certainly that I am going to pop in a dvd of the Soprano's and watch about five hours of it. Actually doing work for this class strikes me as an impossibility right now. I just can't do it. And I don't want to.

Why do I so love to prepare for things but not do them? I love the idea of classes but I despise taking classes. I love fresh paper and books with uncracked spines...but once the spine is cracked, I don't want anything to do with them.

This is all going to leave me with two hours tomorrow in which this paper has to be written (posthipchick, bring back any memories?). I will do it. I know I can. But it will be a crappy paper and I will have to panic while I do it.

Why, oh, why?
  ¶ 6:53 PM

  My drive into work today was incredible. Have I ever mentioned how beautiful my commute is? I drive thirty minutes to work every morning at about six in the morning. This morning the temperature was fourteen degrees. This meant that I drove down a mostly deserted highway surrounded by frozen fields and big, icy trees. Also this morning I was graced by the presence of a huge orange-yellow moon hanging behind these shimmery clouds—is it full today? There are also all these old, rickety farmhouses with giant silos poking into the sky. I listened to Dar Williams and peaced out.

Whoa. Hippie moment. But really, it was pretty. I know that this drive will be one of the things I miss about North Carolina when I leave here.

I’m excited to get back to my students. No, really, I am. I’m trying to get through this dang novel and it is taking forever. Novels are hard to assess. I am struggling with that, right now. I don’t want to focus so much on comprehension, but I feel like they need so much help with that. So many decisions.
  ¶ 7:35 AM