Thursday, October 30, 2003
I have been laboring over a costume for Halloween and I have finally started getting it together. I went to a craft store last night and spent way too much time there. I ended up with, not only what I needed for the costume, but knitting supplies as well. Someone is going to get a poorly knitted black scarf for Christmas! Watch out, it could be you.
But I am going to dress as a teacher for Halloween. I don't think that many people will get it-- if they haven't been around schools for awhile. But last night I puffy painted a black t-shirt and wrote (in orange) "There is nothing SPOOKIER that ignorance!". Then I am going to tye things to it, like pumpkins and spiders. Good times.
Today is one of those days where I realize that I have a cushy job, in ways. For instance, when I think about it, I only really work from 9:30-2:30. That is when the kids are here. Everything else is pretty chill. Not so bad. It can only be hard because of all of the trauma that kids can pack into those 5 hours. But I feel happy and lucky today.
And, once again, I am excited for the weekend. I have a pretty good life here in North Carolina, now. I am still homesick, but hopefully Christmas going down the Western coast will help that. ¶ 5:38 AM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Well, I had to throw out the entire reward system that I had (tickets to excellence) because I figured out that more kids were involved than I thought.
I did give me an opportunity to give this awesome speech to my classes, though. They were actually listening, I think. I struck some sort of chord. And believe me, that is not always the case. But I stood up and said,
"You have an opportunity, right now, to decide what kind of world to live in! You can let a few people ruin your class, ruin your fun, ruin your chances in life-- or you can stand up for yourself and take charge! It is not noble to protect those people who are hurting you. You are not being a friend by refusing to tell me who the guilty parties are. You are being cowardly and you are deciding that you have no rights. If you decide to do that-- well, then, you don't deserve to have rewards. You don't deserve to have fun. You don't deserve my respect. You don't deserve Tickets to Excellence."
After that, several kids gave me notes telling me who did what and who stole things. I am trying to teach them that the "good" kids outnumber the "bad" and that they need to take their classroom back. It is sort of working, I think.
But now, I have to create a new system. Off to Office Depot I go, to find unique paper and perhaps some rubber stamps. Yes, rubber stamps! Oh, these are the things that teachers love! ¶ 5:46 AM
Well, I had to throw out the entire reward system that I had (tickets to excellence) because I figured out that more kids were involved than I thought.
I did give me an opportunity to give this awesome speech to my classes, though. They were actually listening, I think. I struck some sort of chord. And believe me, that is not always the case. But I stood up and said,
"You have an opportunity, right now, to decide what kind of world to live in! You can let a few people ruin your class, ruin your fun, ruin your chances in life-- or you can stand up for yourself and take charge! It is not noble to protect those people who are hurting you. You are not being a friend by refusing to tell me who the guilty parties are. You are being cowardly and you are deciding that you have no rights. If you decide to do that-- well, then, you don't deserve to have rewards. You don't deserve to have fun. You don't deserve my respect. You don't deserve Tickets to Excellence."
After that, several kids gave me notes telling me who did what and who stole things. I am trying to teach them that the "good" kids outnumber the "bad" and that they need to take their classroom back. It is sort of working, I think.
But now, I have to create a new system. Off to Office Depot I go, to find unique paper and perhaps some rubber stamps. Yes, rubber stamps! Oh, these are the things that teachers love! ¶ 5:46 AM
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
I actually taught a for real lesson today! I have been so lazy, lately, and just kind of floating along. But today I taught a lesson on symbolism and they did activities and everything. It was sort of annoying, because they kept talking, but it was better than what they have been doing-- which is throwing things, stealing things, screaming obsenities at me.
It helps that many of my kids, as always, were suspended. While I was away, one of my students broke into the student store and stole $200 dollars worth of school supplies. He probably would not have been caught, except that he promptly went into his next class and started handing out the goods to other kids. He also stole a bunch of my "tickets to excellence", which is how I reward kids for doing well. It ruined my system, but at least nothing else was stolen from my room.
I also got to be detention monitor, which was great. I got to send kids out for talking and not have to do any paperwork. The other teachers out there know what a blessing that is. No paperwork. Imagine.
I am also feeling a lot better. One of my kids told me what the proper color of my car is. According to Timara, my car is "Champagne", not gold. Makes sense. ¶ 1:09 PM
I actually taught a for real lesson today! I have been so lazy, lately, and just kind of floating along. But today I taught a lesson on symbolism and they did activities and everything. It was sort of annoying, because they kept talking, but it was better than what they have been doing-- which is throwing things, stealing things, screaming obsenities at me.
It helps that many of my kids, as always, were suspended. While I was away, one of my students broke into the student store and stole $200 dollars worth of school supplies. He probably would not have been caught, except that he promptly went into his next class and started handing out the goods to other kids. He also stole a bunch of my "tickets to excellence", which is how I reward kids for doing well. It ruined my system, but at least nothing else was stolen from my room.
I also got to be detention monitor, which was great. I got to send kids out for talking and not have to do any paperwork. The other teachers out there know what a blessing that is. No paperwork. Imagine.
I am also feeling a lot better. One of my kids told me what the proper color of my car is. According to Timara, my car is "Champagne", not gold. Makes sense. ¶ 1:09 PM
Monday, October 27, 2003
My car is still really cute. And the old car is officially gone. And, did I mention that my car is cute? ¶ 2:49 PM
Ugh. I am siiiick. I hate having colds. I am coughing and have a fever.
I took the day off from school. I will pay for it by having to deal with whatever they do to my substitute, but really, the rest is worth it.
But in the happy news department-- I have the cutest car in the world! I got a goldish 1997 VW Gof and it is little and cute and I love her. Her name is Goldie (named so by the previous owner). She is perfect for me.
I must go cough some more. Cheers. ¶ 11:43 AM
My car is still really cute. And the old car is officially gone. And, did I mention that my car is cute? ¶ 2:49 PM
Ugh. I am siiiick. I hate having colds. I am coughing and have a fever.
I took the day off from school. I will pay for it by having to deal with whatever they do to my substitute, but really, the rest is worth it.
But in the happy news department-- I have the cutest car in the world! I got a goldish 1997 VW Gof and it is little and cute and I love her. Her name is Goldie (named so by the previous owner). She is perfect for me.
I must go cough some more. Cheers. ¶ 11:43 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Last night I went to a houseparty at one of my roomates fellow teachers house--let's call her Jackie, for the sake of anonymity. She is woman that I have met once before and I like her very much. She is a master story-teller and brings me to tears with her imitations of her kids- who are just about the age of mine. I think I have written of her before.
D and I drove up the prerequisite 25 miles through country roads to get to her house, only to be slammed by the smell of hogs when we got out of the car. Jackie lived in a really awesome, beautiful home...that happened to be situated right behind a hog farm. She said that you can hardly ever smell them, so we must have just gotten lucky. She also shared this fun fact with me:
"If you ever need to get rid of a dead body-- I mean, all of it, the fingernails, bones-- just feed it to hogs. They will eat the whole thing. They eat anything!"
We proceeded, with our new knowledge, to suck down more jello shots than any one person should. Anyway, all was fun and games until...
Jackie was telling a story about a woman when she said, "She is this ugly dyke-lookin' woman"
But wait- I didn't even mind that, so much. I expect it out here and I have been trying to seperate out the fact that I like people that say awful things. If I didn't, I would be friendless here in Rocky Mount. I was prepared to let it go. But as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she wheeled around to me in horror, grabbed my arm and said, "Oh, my god, Michele! I am so sorry! I didn't mean anything!"
The situation of this is, of course, the fact that I am closted here. I haven't told anyone that I am queer-- for safety reasons, for the knowledge that I could lose my job, etc. My roomate knows, though. Jackie's reaction made it clear that my roomate had outed me to this woman, whom I barely know. And, to make things worse, there was a guy there that I don't know at all, who saw the whole interaction, so I was outed to him, too. Suddenly, I was this weird queer girl at a party in the country.
My reaction to the whole things was a bit startling to me. I almost started to cry. D apologized when I confronted her, but it didn't feel like enough. I think one of the things that bothers me the most is that I haven't felt okay to tell people. It has been weighing on me so heavily and I haven't been able to talk to people about it. It feels like theft that D felt like she got to talk about it, when I can't.
I don't know really how to handle this. I feel so vulnerable, all of a sudden. And I also feel a bit like a coward- and have all of this time- that I haven't come out, already. I have been considering doing it. My kids ask me if I am gay all of the time because I am always yelling at them for saying "faggot" and the other teachers don't. I don't fear losing my job all that much; most days, I would consider that a blessing. But I do fear walking down the hallway while everyone stares at me with a disgusted look on their face.
But today, I have the house to myself. I am sick, so I will sleep. The car drama continues...maybe I will do laundry.... ¶ 6:15 AM
Last night I went to a houseparty at one of my roomates fellow teachers house--let's call her Jackie, for the sake of anonymity. She is woman that I have met once before and I like her very much. She is a master story-teller and brings me to tears with her imitations of her kids- who are just about the age of mine. I think I have written of her before.
D and I drove up the prerequisite 25 miles through country roads to get to her house, only to be slammed by the smell of hogs when we got out of the car. Jackie lived in a really awesome, beautiful home...that happened to be situated right behind a hog farm. She said that you can hardly ever smell them, so we must have just gotten lucky. She also shared this fun fact with me:
"If you ever need to get rid of a dead body-- I mean, all of it, the fingernails, bones-- just feed it to hogs. They will eat the whole thing. They eat anything!"
We proceeded, with our new knowledge, to suck down more jello shots than any one person should. Anyway, all was fun and games until...
Jackie was telling a story about a woman when she said, "She is this ugly dyke-lookin' woman"
But wait- I didn't even mind that, so much. I expect it out here and I have been trying to seperate out the fact that I like people that say awful things. If I didn't, I would be friendless here in Rocky Mount. I was prepared to let it go. But as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she wheeled around to me in horror, grabbed my arm and said, "Oh, my god, Michele! I am so sorry! I didn't mean anything!"
The situation of this is, of course, the fact that I am closted here. I haven't told anyone that I am queer-- for safety reasons, for the knowledge that I could lose my job, etc. My roomate knows, though. Jackie's reaction made it clear that my roomate had outed me to this woman, whom I barely know. And, to make things worse, there was a guy there that I don't know at all, who saw the whole interaction, so I was outed to him, too. Suddenly, I was this weird queer girl at a party in the country.
My reaction to the whole things was a bit startling to me. I almost started to cry. D apologized when I confronted her, but it didn't feel like enough. I think one of the things that bothers me the most is that I haven't felt okay to tell people. It has been weighing on me so heavily and I haven't been able to talk to people about it. It feels like theft that D felt like she got to talk about it, when I can't.
I don't know really how to handle this. I feel so vulnerable, all of a sudden. And I also feel a bit like a coward- and have all of this time- that I haven't come out, already. I have been considering doing it. My kids ask me if I am gay all of the time because I am always yelling at them for saying "faggot" and the other teachers don't. I don't fear losing my job all that much; most days, I would consider that a blessing. But I do fear walking down the hallway while everyone stares at me with a disgusted look on their face.
But today, I have the house to myself. I am sick, so I will sleep. The car drama continues...maybe I will do laundry.... ¶ 6:15 AM
Friday, October 24, 2003
I am very disturbed that Baby Story on TLC has taken this awful turn where for the last few days they have been doing multiple births. The thing is, these births are not easy and the babies have to be whisked away and have tubes put in them and stuff.
The problem is, Baby Story used to be perfect. I could always watch it (and do every day) and know that there would be a mom and a dad and the baby would come out breathing and pink and it lulled me to sleep with pink and blue clouds behind my eyes.
But it isn't perfect anymore! It is really making me upset! Now, I am exhausted, because I can't nap without Baby Story! The cooking channel works, too, but when I get home only Emril is on and he yells! Why would you ever YELL on a cooking show?
I have never used so many exclamation marks on my blog, but I am tired! ¶ 4:25 AM
I am very disturbed that Baby Story on TLC has taken this awful turn where for the last few days they have been doing multiple births. The thing is, these births are not easy and the babies have to be whisked away and have tubes put in them and stuff.
The problem is, Baby Story used to be perfect. I could always watch it (and do every day) and know that there would be a mom and a dad and the baby would come out breathing and pink and it lulled me to sleep with pink and blue clouds behind my eyes.
But it isn't perfect anymore! It is really making me upset! Now, I am exhausted, because I can't nap without Baby Story! The cooking channel works, too, but when I get home only Emril is on and he yells! Why would you ever YELL on a cooking show?
I have never used so many exclamation marks on my blog, but I am tired! ¶ 4:25 AM
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