Tuesday, May 25, 2004

I actually wrote that last post in a fit of frustration as I was leaving this rodent ridden school. Then, at home, I was worried that people would just think that I was soooo mean and no one would read my blog anymore.

Imagine how heartened I was to find so much support for my hating of the children...except for Owen believing they are angels-- I expect that of him...child advocate that he is.

I never expected this last week to be so difficult. The children are worse than I have ever seen them. Well, not exactly, but different than I have seen them. They are just as wild as they were in the beginning-- now they just lack that evil cruelty that they had back then. Lately, they are good-naturedly ignoring every word I say and kind of being pretty inappropriate.

To make things worse, closing down a year has more paperwork than anyone could ever imagine. My school is now asking me for documents that I haven't seen since August. Remember that post a long time ago about all those top secret documents I had stuffed in notebooks, thrown in the art closet, etc? Well, now I am supposed to turn them in before they release me from the school. I think that I am just going to have to slip away in the dark of night and drive out of Rocky Mount a wanted woman. Those documents are long gone.

To add to my burden, there are many complicated tasks to do and all the other staff members are as stressed out as me and refuse to help me. There is nothing like a southern woman who is mad as a hornet refusing to help. They say things like, "Oh, Shug! I'm shoor you gonna be just alright! I'm shooooor!" and "Baby, you'll figure out something! Aren't you just precious?" It doesn't feel nice.

I'm off to do the first day of exams. Tomorrow is the last day of school. Heaven help me. ¶ 3:55 AM

I have to admit that for weeks I have been rehearsing my good-bye speech to my students in my head...even kind of out loud in the car. I was going to tell them how far they had come and how much I loved them. In my head, there were some tears, some brave hugs, and some meaningful glances from across my trailer. Oh yeah, there was also going to be letter snuck into my palm as a student walked away, telling me how much I had meant to him/her.

This is how my actual good-bye to my second period went today:

"I NEED YOU TO SIT DOWN! JUST SIT DOWN FOR ONE MINUTE!" Times this by 100.

Then I offered up the front of the room for students to say something to the class if they wanted. One student offered, "I just saved a lot of money by switching to Geico!" Then one of my students (the one you may remember from throwing a desk at me during the first week of school) actually said she was going to miss me. I felt one tear start to form in my eye when the last student stood up.

He declared, "I really enjoyed giving Mrs. (the principal) blow jobs this year!"

The class exploded in laughter, the bell rang, and I was left alone with paper balls all over the floor and food from their lunches all over the desks. It wasn't quite as I pictured.

I had hoped to leave them with a heartening message. Instead, they were left with visions of inappropriate sexual acts...sigh. I didn't think the end would be so terrible.

Also, I have been roaming my apartment tonight with the feeling that I really just can't stand to be here one other day. I dismantled the bed, packed some things, but it isn't helping. This new bout of car trouble is also stressing me out. I need to get a muffler.

Tomorrow is my last day of being the First Year Teacher. ¶ 5:43 PM
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