Thursday, July 24, 2003
Last night I felt like I lived here for the first time. I spent the afternoon shopping for a bed...and then realizied that the kind of bed I want costs about six hundred dollars, so I went home with no bed. I'm not sure what to do about that. I guess I can just curl up in a blanket for awhile.

Then I had to go to a dinner. TFA makes us attend "community dinners" all this first week in our community. It is to foster relationships with people where we live. You would think that this is a good thing...and I realize that I probably sound lame for complaining about it...but, man am I tired of fostering relationships. I really just want to be left alone. And I think that most of us feel that way. After this summer, I was really mad to find out that I still had to do stuff for TFA, even after I arrived in my own space. And a lot of these dinners are held with older donor people who give tons of money and we have to dress up and kiss ass all night.

Anyhow, I went to one of these dinners last night. But it ended up being really cool. It was with this girl who is in TFA and her boyfriend, who are both from Seattle. We hung out and they were young and normal and it felt like having friends in North Carolina. It felt like real life. I am so yearning for that right now.

I feel okay about this right now. But I already kind of feel lonely. I miss the friends I made in Houston, all of which are nowhere to be found now. And I still miss my Oakland and Portland friends. Owen is closest, but still kind of far. Things are really busy now, so it is a little easier. But I worry that when things settle down more I am going to look around and find nothing to my liking.

But I am trying very hard to stay positive. And teaching is really going to be consuming. I just very much hope that I like teaching. That would help out a lot.