Friday, April 30, 2004
Teaching is sort of like going to school again...but being cooler. At least right now it is. I distinctly remember (and I know if I were to go back and read some old posts) that I was terribly unliked here, at first. I remember feeling waves of hate crash toward me in the classroom and feeling perforated by the lazer-beam dislike in many eyes. I remember that they used to snicker when I said certain things and that feeling of complete vulnerablity because I couldn't tell what they were laughing at.

But these memories seem distant right now. And I can see clearly now how a teacher builds a reputation and becomes loved. Not that there aren't always problems, but I think starting a new year must be so much easier when some of the kids have heard of you-- heard that you are fun and nice. I am sad to not be staying at my school. Not, of course, sad to be leaving this town. But I think next year, here, would probably be a lot better.

I can also see how teaching just becomes what you do. I am already thinking ahead in terms of school years, instead of months. I have two more years of teaching, but I can see how they could just extend into more. I am feeling a bit like a success story, but that could be partly because I have had such a great day.

One of my students brought me a present, which was really sweet. I got a lot of love, today, from them. And a lot of them had me sign their yearbooks that they just got. A really neat gesture because I know that they don't ask every teacher. I got to see what students wrote next to my picture. Where, on some teachers, there was written, "mean", "whack", "ugly", the yearbooks I saw all said, "fun" or "cool". One said, "leaving" and had a sad face drawn next to it. Of course, these were the yearbooks of the kids who like me...there are certain students whose yearbooks I am glad I didn't see.

I have broken down and decided to get my hair cut in Rocky Mount. I haven't done it since I moved here, but my hair just has to get some lovin'. So on my birthday weekend, I am going to try to beautify myself a bit. Wish me luck. ¶ 12:07 PM