Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Thursday, May 06, 2004
The night before last, I dreamed that I was in a lab coat in front of a scienc-y like table. On the table were various human body parts...including human that was ground up like beef. Ew. Not pleasant.

Last night, I dreamed that I was in my cute little car with a very obese woman whom I didn't recognize...although I get this weird feeling that I actually once knew her-- maybe in childhood in one of those people that I don't remember remembering. I just think I might have known her because I had this seething resentment toward her and I distinctly remember that in the dream I felt she owed me an apology. Anyway, we were at a racetrack and somehow I ended up on the racetrack. There were no other cars, so it wasn't dangerous in that way, but I was trying not to go fast around this thing because there were ruts in the track and I kept sliding. To my relief, I saw an exit, so I sped up and took it. Unfortunately, it was a cliff. As the woman and I saw the ground speeding toward us, I grabbed her hand and whispered, "Lord, hold us and keep us" and then we crashed.

Not being a religious person, I found it fascinating that I whispered that...although that is something that I still think when I am scared-- kind of a hold over from a Catholic upbringing and a general feeling that it maybe couldn't hurt to ask something or someone for help when I need it.

What does all this death in my dreams mean? I know that I am a bit stressed out over summer plans. I have been hired to work at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival this summer and I think I am going to do it. I also have to get to the Bay once in June and then again in July. I have to figure out a way to afford all of this jet-setting. I have to figure out where to put my car, my stuff, etc.

I also find that I am weirdly annoyed with my students this week. I feel good about school when I wake up, when I drive here, when I am preparing for the day. But the moment they walk through the door my mood plummets. It isn't like the old days, when I hated them. It is more like a deep annoyance, such as a mother might feel for her children. I love them, but I just wish they would go away for awhile. I don't like this feeling because the end is near and I would hate for their last memories of me to be of my yelling, "Just sit down!" to no one in particular while shielding my eyes with my hands. ¶ 4:28 AM

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